I never fitted in, no matter how much I tried.
I never felt like I belonged anywhere. I wanted to fit in so badly, I’d do almost anything to not feel like an outcast. I was so consumed with trying to fit in though, that I lost myself in the process.
It didn’t matter what I did though, I didn’t fit in anywhere, I always felt like I was the odd one out. I was always the one that was left behind and out of the plans my peers made. I tried to be like them, to be normal so people let me join in, it just never worked.
I ended up adapting so much of myself to fit the rest of them, that I completely lost who I truly was and what I was meant to be doing with my life.
I lost myself
I realised after a while that I just wanted to be myself, and to make lifelong friends that I could go out with, having girly days out and all that stuff you see on the movies, but none of that was meant to be. I lost myself so much I didn’t know who I even was any more. It hasn’t been easy trying to find my true self and life purpose. I was in my 30s before I discovered any of that and everyday is a new day and I keep discovering more about me, and more ways to show up consistently as myself.
My Big Struggles
I’ve been through a number of things in my life that just made me feel even more of an outcast, even more different than I already felt. I’ve made peace with these things now, but I wanted to tell you as it’s part of my journey to self discovery and living on purpose and each of things things pushed me closer to my moment where I decided to finally start on my transformation journey.
- I was bullied in high school for the whole of the time I was there, and had no friends the entire first year.
- To make that worse, I lost any friends I had made by ending up with Scoliosis and ultimately ended up homeschooling and in hospital during the last two years of high school, there is nothing like a rib hump and feeling like Quasimodo to accentuate my feeling like an outcast that’s for sure.
- After school I went to college and my friends always made plans together without me, never inviting me anywhere. I was made to feel like I just wasn’t wanted, like I was just someone who followed them around.
- I have secondary infertility, which made me feel useless as a woman too.
I had enough
I finally decided I had enough in 2015, I was in a dark place and I knew I had to get out of it. I couldn’t pretend that everything was roses when it wasn’t anymore. This moment came after I’d been through years of secondary infertility and multiple miscarriages. I ended up with severe anxiety and depression as a result of the shit I’d gone through and ended up isolating myself from everyone, that certainly didn’t help. It was then that I knew I had to change, or it was never going to happen.
The start of my personal development journey was at the end of 2015 when i got into online business and that propelled me into a 3 years journey to finding myself and my life purpose. It was my chance to finally break free and really start to work on myself.
I was guided back into Alignment
I was guided into alignment again after I worked on my mindset for three years by a friends tarot reading at the end of 2018 and ended up starting my current business and going through a spiritual awakening at the same time. It completely changed everything that I was doing in my life. I finally found what I was meant to do, and discovered so much about myself I didn’t know. It’s this as well as journaling and studying that helped me discover my true self and life purpose. I finally found something I was meant to do and a whole world of wonders and amazing people along the way that I am happy to call friends. Most of all, I found peace that I never knew was possible.
It really led me to face up to some things in my shadow side, and come to terms with the things I’d been through so that I could transform and live my life on purpose and ultimately help others do exactly what I had done.
My Rebirth and Transformation
I am not the same person I was before, my growth game is strong. I’ve gone through a massive rebirth and transformation along the way. I’m no longer the anxious mess I was, I am now confident and learning to shine my light more and more each day.
If you knew me a few years ago, I can guarantee, you don’t know me now.
Does my story sound familiar to you? Does it sound like you at all? If so I can help you.